Countering Bathtime Battle

Bathtime Battle is still a common problem in our household. I've exhaused my list of tactics to lure them into the bathroom. But I pride myself for being quick thinking Mom. My colorful newly bought washing sponge did the trick on this day.

"choose your battles wisely" is the best advice I've got from parenting books. This is one battle that's pointless to fight. I have a toilet wall that was left sparkling clean with 2 helpful toddlers scrubbing very hard. 2 clean and sweet smelling babies. And a happy Mummy.

Time Alone, with a child.

I didn't see how this is working for us when my individual time with one child usually lead to extreme jealousy from the other child.

Since they are twins, I don't get a lot of time alone with each child. The only times were the ones I dread, like one not going down for their nap or one waking up 30 mins into their nap. I started with 10 mins of individual time at home in my room doing some reading and playing puzzles with them. But that just resulted in 10 mins of individual time with one child and 10 mins of crying for the other. So, I changed my plan and brought one out each time. It can be quite enjoyable to bring just one. Being stretched with 2 toddlers in tow most of the time, bringing one out is a breeze. All was fine till recently, they cannot accept it's the other's turn. So, this individual time became another happy time for one and a devastating time for the other.

My plan has to change again. This week, I got my mum to bring K out and I made them go out first before Y and I set off. But I had a hard time with Y, check out his attitude from our conversation below:

Me: Hey, let's go ride on the LRT (I thought he would like it since he hasn't ride on one)
Y: No... I don't want.
Me: It's going to be fun. We are going to take a MRT train, then a LRT train.
Y: NO... it's raining (it was not and he continued to play with his toys.)
Me: OK.

Y (after a while, decided that staying home is not so fun after all): I want to take a bus.
Me: OK, let's go take a bus then.

On the way to the bus stop

Y: I want Mummy to carry you. (he is still confused with pronounce.)
Me: No, you walk to the bus stop and Mummy will carry you.
Y: Mummy will carry you when we reach the bus stop.
Me (trying to encourage him to get up the bus as he is a little scared of that): Will you try to get on the bus on your own?
Y: No.
Me: Will you try?
Y: I cannot.
Me: How do you know when you haven't even try?
Y: I do before. (started to ignore me)

The boys were really terrified of going up the bus and escalator but K has since overcome his fear from our last alone trip. When we reached the escalator, Y refused to take the lift so I told him he has to try to do it with me helping if he wants the escalator. He reluctantly agreed and was a little terrified when we were on it. But he happily exclaimed, "You did it!" when we got off and asked to do it again.

He slowly gained his confidence and was stepping up and down the escalator by the 3rd one. On our way home, I asked him again.

Me: Will you try to get on the bus on your own?
Y: No.
Thought for a while
Y: I want!

He did and when he got up, he exclaimed again "You did it!" (he meant "I did it").

It was from 2 alone trips that the boys conquered their fear and I'm starting to believe that individual time is beneficial for the children as we never know how much or how little attention we are giving to each one when we have 2 (or more for some) at one time.

Pipe Cleaner Sirens

What you are seeing is a Mummy's frantic attempt to placate an inconsolable Y whose world was about to crumble when he found that the siren on his police car fell off. We couldn't find the siren that had dropped and Pipe Cleaner was my savior for the day. He even got to choose the color for his siren. But I see trouble when his Van needs a siren, followed by his Dump Truck... his Bus.... I knew this has to stop when I see K pulling out his drawer of cars in excitement. But seeing Y's face brightened is worth it even if I have to install sirens for all their cars. :0

Calm Down Place

Another crazy month. I just wish I can say "it's a good month" soon. I don't know what to say with the things that has been happening in our home. Maybe I should just recap with these series of events that happened within 2 months (or probably less):

My mother had a Cataract operation
K went for his Hydrocele operation
Y started to be very jealous of K and behaved very badly
My mother in law was hospitalized
My domestic helper quit on us
My mother in law had to go through a Stomach operation
My husband went for a business trip to Europe a week after my domestic helper quited
The boys fell sick for a week when my husband was away

It was a very difficult period with the boys high with their meltdowns relay marathon. It was very draining for me. There was no time to blog at all. And I missed blogging. It was impossible to do any learning activities with the boys with the loads of laundry waiting to be washed, the dishes in the sink, the toys all around the house. It didn't help when someone is crying 99% of the time. The tension and stress in the household is affecting the boys. It's a vicious cycle, they behaved worse and they drained us further.

Anyway, I decided today that I'm leaving the dishes, the laundry and the toys and to take some photos and share something I did with you, for those still visiting this blog. My self worth index is dropping near to zero and being able to blog and knowing that someone out there is listening to me, reading and commenting what I'm writing is preventing my self worth index dropping down to negative.

So, I'm sharing my Calm Down Place with you. With the frequent meltdowns, the boys are often brought into my room to calm down. I wanted to have a designated calm down place and have transformed one small space at the side of our bed to be the place where they calm down.

Our Calm Down Place

I photocopied pictures of some faces drawings from a book they like.

And I have a slider to show Their Feelings.

This worked for the first few times. They stopped crying when they came to this corner to find their own crying face. But after 2 days, it's no longer working. I can't keep up with my sons! They get bored too fast. Anyway, this will be the designated Calm Down Place for them whether they like it or not and they will get to slide it back to the happy boy picture after they calmed down.

Alright, hope you like this. Please share if you have a calm down place for your child. I rushed to get this place up in 15 mins, it doesn't look as pleasing as I would like it to be. Now, I've got to go back to the laundry, the dishes and the toys.

Toddler Tactics: How Do You Handle Meltdowns?

Meltdowns is part of parenting a toddler(S). It just gets a bit out of hand when there are two of them. 2 with the same needs. Causes of meltdowns in our household is mainly due to:

1. Tiredness
2. Frustration
3. Seeking Attention

I could still counter the first 2 but when it's due to number 3, it can get a bit tricky, especially when it's both of them seeking my attention at the same time. I'm always so torn between them.


Here's how I handle their meltdowns (not that I'm a pro and I can't always do this but on good day when I can, they sometimes work.)

• Take a deep breath and get a hold of myself. Their meltdowns is highly contagious.
• Pretend everything is ok even when I'm fuming mad or when everything is actually NOT OK.
• Figure out the cause of the meltdown, if I can.
• Empathize with them even when I totally couldn't relate to the screaming all because their banana broke into 2 and they couldn't accept a new banana.
• Distract. Reading an interesting book or a book they like sometimes work. If all else fails, ipod touch is god sent. But only when I'm handling one kid because another fight will occur when they start to fight over which application they want to see.
• Isolate. As the tantrum escalate or before it begin to escalate, I will remove them from the situation and bring them to my room to "calm down". It will usually aggravate the situation, sending them kicking and screaming even louder.

Once they reach their calm down place aka my room, they will usually not calm down. They will go full blast for a few minutes (it depends on the kid, it's usually few mins for Y and can be a long long time for K), then they will tell me what they want. Usually it's to "go out". And I will tell them they can only go out when they are ready, that is, no more crying and screaming. And when they are ready, I want them to say "Mummy, I'm ready to go play." When they could mouth these words, they are usually ready. 


It's not easy to calm them down when they go into their full blast screaming mode. Here are my calming tactics:

• Have a different view. I let them look out of the window and ask them what they see. They could see cars coming out of the car park from our windows and I always have to pray hard for a taxi as they love Taxis.
• Blow. My boys still don't understand how to take deep breaths. So, I ask them to blow. Since we need to take a breath to blow isn't it? This is still not working on them yet but I hope they will get it soon.
• Sing a song. Sing a calming song but usually a silly song works better.
• Read a book. I will read a book aloud while they cry. Sometimes it agitate them but on days that work, they calm down and move over to see what I'm reading.

When they have been crying for a very very long time, that is, for a few hours (this happens with K) and nothing works, I will turn on my computer to show them photographs or a video and this would at least calm the screaming.


At the end of all these, I'm usually exhausted and drained, physically (from the abusive kicking, they could really do some damage!) and mentally. When I'm out with one and faced with another waiting for his turn, it's time out for ME, (that is when my mum is here and they are not left alone to vent their frustration on each other.) 


How do you handle your toddler's meltdown? I would love to hear and learn more tactics!

Toddler Tactics: How do you avoid Bath Struggles?

There are days when they will be fighting for their turns to take their bath/shower, refusing to get out of the bath and there will be days when they just refuse to step foot into the bathroom. Those are days when I have to crack my brains to think of tricks to get them to cooperate with me. Attempting to shower a screaming toddler is fighting a losing battle. I've tried and after the shower, they are as good as not being showered with the perspiration they get from their screaming and crying.

So, here are some tactics I've tried and worked (but only for a while, I'm very lucky if I can use the same tactics more than 3 times):

1. Bath Toys - Boats, Squirters, Rubber Duckies. 
2. Bubbles - I got a bubble gun specially for this purpose as it's impossible for me to blow and bathe them at the time. The bubble produce enough bubbles to keep them entertained while I undress them.
3. Alphabet/Number Foam - Those that you can stick on your bathroom walls with water works great to get them busy with their letter/number hunt.
4. Shaving Foam - I spray them on the wall and they draw. 
5. Change a bathroom - I invited them to my bathroom to take a shower. They are curious about the new environment.
6. Bath Balls - The bath balls didn't dissolve in the bath, they were holding them so tight that I couldn't even get the plastic off them. They ended up throwing them around like a "ball". haha...
7. Car Wash - Get them to get their dirty plastic cars in for a car wash. 
8. Get them to shower their bath toy animals - I place their dinos, ducky, fish (rubber bath toys) on the floor and let them hold the shower head to shower them. 
9. Let them hold the shower head - The toddler wants to be in control. Just be prepared to get wet. 
10. Let them on and off the tap - At your command. 
11. Let them bathe together - Get a sibling to join, the more the merrier. (or maybe you can join in but I doubt I will try.)
12. Bribe Reward them after the bath - TV time or Stickers works for them. 

All the above 12 tactics are NOT working now. It's a pain trying to get them to bathe these days! I've just bought 2 spray bottles and they are going to be my tool for bath time tomorrow. Wish me luck. 

What other tactics have you tried to get your reluctant toddler to bathe/shower? Please share! They get bored so fast and I'm running out of ideas.