Monday, March 5, 2012

FAQ for my Twins

With twins, we often get a lot of attention from strangers, often unwanted. Someone always have a comment about how small I am to have twins, how skinny I have become to take care of them and they are total strangers, throwing such remarks directly at me or sometimes, worse, behind me, loudly in a dialect they think I don't understand.

I also get a lot of questions about my fertility from total strangers.

Here's some examples of very direct ways:

"Oh, you have twins? Are they natural?"
"Oh, those are your twins? Did you go for IVF?"

Or, they will ask indirectly:
"Are they twins? Does twins run in your family?"

And when I answered no, here are the 2 response.

(Response 1) So you went for IVF?
(Response 2) Oh I see. (Cloud forms above their heads, "She went for IVF")

For the past 3 years, the "ultimate blatant award" goes to

 "You are so lucky, IF they were natural."

And there are those who have bad communication skills.

They: "They are twins? Natural?"
Me: "No, I went for C section"
They: IVF ah?

It took me some time to realize that when people ask "natural?", they are not interested if you had a natural birth, they just want to know if your twins are genetic engineered.

While I don't think going through IVF is something shameful and I would openly admit if I had gone for one. I would think such matters are private and they aren't things that we start to chat with total strangers. More so when I didn't go for any fertility treatments and I felt I almost have to explain to people that I didn't undergo any form of fertility treatment, so stop looking at my twins as if they are some genetic engineered freaks.

And then, there are two types of people who react to twins:

(Group 1) Full of envy, excited to see twins like they are some celebrity. Look up to you like you are an almighty super mom.

When they were babies, there were times I felt like celebrity mom, except that nobody ask me for my autograph. There are people that just love twins so much and they get really excited when they see one and they start to throw questions at you like a machine gun.

(Group 2) Sad, jealous people. Tried all ways to undermine you as a mom to cover up their low self esteem that they are just not as fertile as you.

It's probably sour grapes. These are the people that insist on thinking that your twins are foetus that grew out of a test tube and it should be a breeze to care for twins.

There was once I was on the train and 2 ladies came in and spoke loudly.

Lady A: Hey, look, they are twins. Oh... they are so cute!! 
Lady B: (Looked at us, from top to toe, rudely I might add.) I don't want twins. What's so great about twins?

It didn't help that my twins were fussing at that time. I tried my best to block out but they were talking too loudly and I had the impulse to go up to Lady B to tell her, "Don't worry, there's a superb high chance you won't get one."

Here's a video that's really happening in real life. Don't be surprised, there are lots of insensitive people like that and actually worse. If you have met me outside with my twins, I probably didn't see you because I was concentrating on the road, avoiding eye contact with anyone, so they don't get a chance to throw these questions at me. I used to hate train trips when I'm stuck in the train and the people next to you or opposite you start a discussion about you and your twins openly. It's getting better as they get older. It takes more observation to know that they are twins.

Well, have a good laugh with this video.

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